What seems to come naturally with a constantly chattering mind and a strong inner critic is that I focus on what makes me so different from anyone else around me. This leaves me with a feeling of emptiness, isolation and doubt. Lately, I have noticed how busy my mind really is with telling me how little I share with those around me. While that not just keeps me from being fully present in the moment, it also makes me doubt myself even more.
Stop the Expectations
The idea of a soulmate, a soul sister, someone that you can relate to without even a word but just a glance is beautiful. And while I believe that these special bonds exist, it is a scarce kind of relationship to find. Yet not every relationship that helps us grow, feel connected and allows us to share feelings, thoughts and experiences is such kind of relationship. And that is okay…
Often, I feel that I am looking for such kind of a relationship in my life. These high expectations however, are impossible to fulfill and if I am honest, they are of no use to anyone either. All they do is fueling old mind patterns leading up to disappointment and sadness if things don’t turn out as expected. Instead I started asking myself what it is that I am looking for in these relationships.
I have found that what I am looking for mostly is a helping hand. Someone who can relate to what I feel and who reaches out to me when I don’t have the strength to do so myself. Someone who can lift the heavy weight off my shoulders when I need it.
But isn’t that something that I should learn to do myself?
Re-Connect with Myself
At times I get so overwhelmed with my feelings and insecurities and mind chattering that I feel that sharing it with somebody else is the only thing that could make this potentially easier. But putting this kind of pressure on the relationships in my life is doing no good. Instead what I really need to practice is to re-connect with myself and be able to sit with my feelings of emptiness, isolation and insecurity. That is nothing that anyone else can or should do for me.
My meditation practice is probably the number one thing to turn to when wanting to re-connect with myself. But what about the relationship to others?
Besides working on the connection to myself, I will make it a practice to re-focus on the sameness within all of us. Whenever I can. At work, at school or even in the supermarket. I shall try to find something that I share with any other person. Even if it is just the smallest and simplest things like enjoying a cup of coffee, being equally annoyed that the line at the supermarket is so long or impatiently waiting for the bus to come.
While there are so many good reasons to argue what makes us all so special and unique and beautiful in our own kind of way – it is equally important to focus on the things we all have in common. That is nothing that comes easy to me… but the good things never do. So I will keep going and keep looking and re-focussing!